Radio Archives

Looking for an old clip to show your friends? We delicately handpick interns to slave night and day over our radio rants in order to provide you with a collection that will last until the internet is obsolete.

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2008

Celebrity Awareness Day

A Bad Case of Gonzaria Pt. 1 (2:32 - 15:54)
Doctor Thornberry, of the first Spiderman movie, is the first caller to try and promote his "celebrity." This leads to Steven Tylerico, a Steve Tyler impersonator, to call and explain what he does to beautiful women on dates. Tiffany Amber Thiessen proves to be the first real celebrity to call.

A Bad Case of Gonzaria Pt. 2 (15:54 - 25:27)
Two old callers, both of whom have fledgling bands, call to add to the fray. They are Gib from the band GIB (Gardening in Biodomes) and Joe from the band GIP'D (Gardening In Possible Biodomes). Besides their metal bands, they are both trying to help Ernie of Sesame St. escape from the secret biodome he is imprisoned in.

Steven Tyler vs. Gonzo (38:57 - 55:42)
Brad Pitt is on from a previous segment and welcomes the crass Gonzo, who lets his bad attitude out on POTG Radio. His wordplay is combined with that of Steven Tyler and Steven Tylerico (an impersonator), with madness resulting.

Full Episode
Besides the above segments, you will also hear more from Brad Pitt, Mona Lisa, ex-wrestlers Starman and Gorilla Gross, Mark Twain (who is Roseanne Barr on LSD), and Smokey the Bear.

The Greatest Pool Ever Made

The Pool Part 1: Fake Ken Dolls (00:38 - 18:22)
Host Deaze Beans begins by speaking of a pool he made up with an 8th grade acquaintance, only to find out it is now real. Each cabana is equipped with special amenities, and humans are only allowed to join if they have an IQ of exactly 137. Calls are taken from Yolenz, who is a fake Ken doll, and Scott Baio's Drugs.

The Pool Part 2: Scott Baio's Drugs and the Monty Python Foot (18:22 - 33:03)
The discussion of the fantastical "pool" continues with Scott Baio's Drugs, Yolenz the fake Ken doll, and the very polite Monty Python Foot, who is a cook at the pool.

The Pool Part 3: The Bill Gates Conspiracy (33:03 - 53:32)
"The Pool" keeps dominating discussion as King Hudson joins the show; apparently the whole pool is a way for a mysterious woman to court him. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs also join the fray and continue their technological feud.

Aunt Jemima is Lonely (53:40 - 62:48)
"The Real Aunt Jemima" is in rare form, looking for a date with any and all of the hosts.

Full Episode
Click here to listen to the whole episode in one shot.

Beware the Canasta Brothers

Gene/Consciousness Splicing 303 (1:10 - 24:05)
The segment begins with a call from Snail/Wildebeest, quickly followed by William(Hurt)/Amoeba. It doesn't take long to find out that "Roland," Ronald's half-brother, is behind the DNA experiments, as well as a bagel fast-food chain. This prompts Ronald himself to call, and then Grimace's brother, Gimnael, who initially thinks he is Bob Dylan because he is coming off of an LSD trip. Gimnael's right-hand man in his motorcycle gang, Piglet, then joins.

Underwater Atrocities (24:05 - 38:18)
NYC's own East River calls, followed by the thorn in his side, the Harlem River. Then old radio competitor Newton Folds calls, who has given up his show and is now running a service that alerts people as to when they are being talked about on POTG Radio. The trans-gender Whale Man calls looking for a date, and gets a suitor.

Birbest Wants to Settle Down (47:35 - 63:12)
Birdman's estranged son, Birdbest (who, unlike his father, is a friend to POTG Radio), calls looking not for a date, but a mate. This prompts several obvious candidates to call: Richard Simmons' Skeleton, Edward Scissorhands, and Skeeter's Back.

Full Episode
Besides hearing the above segments together, you can hear how POTG Radio's phone carrier drops them mid-show, stopping the calls for a few minutes, and what POTG Radio producer Willow does to fix this.

Lite Brite Food Fights

Responsible Yet Promiscuous Buffalo Man Pt. 1 (14:33 - 30:47)
This segment begins with a mistaken caller who believes he has reached a consumer complaint line. This leads to the revelation that there are adult versions of the pictures from the popular 80s toy Lite Brite. One of the featured characters from such pictures, Responsible Yet Promiscuous Buffalo Man, calls, followed by Yams, the fertility beast.

Responsible Yet Promiscuous Buffalo Man Pt. 2 (30:47 - 41:02)
Gonzo calls to help his friend, R.Y.P Buffalo Man, sort things out with Yams the fertility beast and discuss how they like to pick up women and party hard. Dr. Time calls to try and exploit R.Y.P. Buffalo Man's "superpower."

Cream of Waste (43:06 - 63:07)
Gonzo and R.Y.P. Buffalo Man stay on from the previous segment to welcome Mickey Andy Charley, the boy who used to be the model on boxes of H-O Farina (also known as Cream of Wheat). The "New Quaker Oats Man" calls to try and mentor the ex-farina boy and stop Gonzo and R.Y.P. Buffalo Man from trying to corrupt him.

Full Episode
Besides hearing a bit more from the featured segments, you'll hear from Vanilla Ice and Milli as they announce their new album, and their friend, the ganja-loving Scooter, who is apparently still possessed by a Jamaican soul.

What Starts in Kashmir Stays in Kashmir

Beware the Ides of May (0:51 - 14:59)
The show kicks off with a call from a tragic woman named Destiny, who is simultaneously a stripper and, you guessed it, the concept of Destiny. Then, of course, Pakistan calls, and later Respect, who claims to be the child of Pakistan and Destiny.

Clash of the Titans (22:24 - 39:51)
The giant Indian robot known as Gupta Kronog calls and is quickly followed by rival Godzilla, who on a previous episode befriended the Burger King, who now rides on Godzilla's back. This prompts Swedish Mecha-Godzila to call as well, the robotic Godzilla who has Ronald inside of him in his control chamber.

We're Sorry Luigi, but the Police are in Another Castle (40:02 - 60:16)
POTG Radio follows up with the Mario Bros. from the last episode's conversation, when it became clear that their lives were falling apart. The "Grime Reaper" and his sidekick, a punk rocker called Immature call to discuss how they are forcing Luigi to be the celebrity partner at a new bar they are opening in Vegas. Bowser of the Mario Bros games calls to try and save Luigi.

Full Episode
Click here to listen to all of the above segments plus a discussion of how radio producer Willow used the hosts' money to invest in bars, including one owned by a stingray man, and also more from Luigi's captivity in Vegas.

Breaking the Law

The Young David Hasselhoff of Canada (0:26 - 16:22)
"Young David Hasselhoff," the cloned version of, well, David Hasselhoff in his youth, comes up against the Canadian version of himself. As discussed in a previous episode ("President's Day Blow Out," 2007), there are many Hasselhoff clones wandering about. Gimnael, Grimace's brother and leader of a motorcycle gang, invites himself onto the show in his typical manner.

Piglet Robs a Liquor Store (16:22 - 28:20)
Wherever Gimnael is, his right hand-man in his motorcycle gang, Piglet, is not too far away. They are exiled in Canada since Piglet is on the run from the law. Gimnael is afraid that the previous segment's discussion of American-Canadian hostilities will incite violence between his gang and their sworn enemies, the harlequins who live in the Canadian plains. Geraldo calls to try to be Piglet's lawyer, and General Gyro calls to make Piglet an Gimael an offer to join his army.

The Mario Bros. Do Vegas (30:42 - 50:30)
General Gyro stays on the phone to welcome video game stars Mario and Luigi, still in Vegas after Luigi's legal troubles there. The Brothers' old cohort, Toad, now rich from Saudi oil, calls to offer them jobs in his new casino, and the transgender Louis Louise calls to offer his/her services for giving feedback on Mario's proposed return to the stage-as a stripper.

Luigi and Kato Kaelin Used to be Tight (50:40 - 59:40)
Continuing the discussion with the Mario Brothers, Kato Kaelin, O.J. Simpson's infamous former house sitter, calls. He reveals that the Mario Brothers in fact went to Beverly Hills high school after moving from NY to LA in their teens as they were attempting to break into the entertainment industry. Luigi and Kaelin had a rap group for about five minutes while in high school. Ex-video game star Toad is still on the phone, trying to get this motley crew to work for him.

Full Episode
Hear the above segments as well as what slipped through the cracks, all in one shot.

The Racist Episode

Mayonnaise Lobotomies (4:45 - 20:35)
Richard Simmons' Shorts and the Laces (on the shorts) call from the Philippines. Part of the Stain (that used to be on the shorts) also calls, in the process revealing how they came to be: they are the result of a splash from a "mayonnaise lobotomy" that Richard Simmons had administered in the past. Then the man himself calls to start explaining what that means...

Mayonnaise Lobotomies Part 2 (20:37 - 36:35)
While the hosts are talking to Richard Simmons, his Shorts, Laces on the shorts, and the Stain, fast food mogul Teriyaki Boy calls. Then a Wizard (walrus/lizard) calls, as does Michael Jordan, Mr. Wizard (an actual wizard), and pro wrestler Gorilla Gross.

LSD Changes Everything (36:30 - 52:31)
An old character, LSD, wafts into the airwaves and, as usual, changes everyone into their alternate personalities. First, the hosts become strippers, and then, Michael Jordan becomes Barbara Streisand, who falls in love with Gorilla Gross, who now sees himself in a new light and instantly softens to become "Gorilla Grace." Elton John calls, and Grimace calls to marry Michael/Barbara and Gorilla Grace.

Yoton's Daughter (52:59 - 67:00)
Yotesh is the herder who guards the Essence of Italy, currently residing in a mountain in Albania. The Goat God calls to keep Yotesh in check, and then the Essence of Italy gets on the phone to speak for himself.

Full Episode
Listen to all of it at once, Ponce!

A Bad Bunch of Fatherfigures

Barney and the Chicken McNuggets (2:58 - 14:54)
Barrabbas McQuesinought, lawyer for both Barney the dinosaur and several Chicken MgNuggets, calls to get his clients on the phone. Two McNuggets, Duane Read and Ninja, call. They reveal that if you flip them over they have different names and personalities; they become Maccabee and Walnut McDermott, respectively. They then all discuss how Barney has a marsupial-like pouch where he incubates McNuggets.

Juiced Cheeseburger Diets (32:16 - 45:21)
Old friend Richard Simmons calls to reveal his colorful new clothing line, which includes snakeskin panties- which he's currently wearing. His friend, fashion designer Don Kong (formerly Donkey Kong), calls to add his two cents as they also discuss their new diet suggestions for the hosts.

Piglet's Bloodlust for the Pilsbury Doughboy (45:28 - 60:15)
The Pillsbury Dough Boy calls and quickly incurs the wrath of both Gimnael, Grimace's motorcycle-riding brother, and Piglet, who has shed the timid persona he had on the Winnie the Pooh show and now is a bloodthirsty member of Gimnael's gang.

Full Episode
Click here to listen the above clips plus more about the McNuggets' take on what it's like to be food, their rivalry with the turkey who owns the Pudgies Chicken food chain, and their war with Ronald, who calls to gloat how he wears slippers and thongs made of McNuggets.

The Highway to the Sun Was Paved by Fozzy Roosevelt

When is the Sun Red? (3:49 -19:13)
POTG Radio's favorite old president, Teddy Roosevelt, calls and somehow gets into trying a "non-comedy" routine with host U.B. Jackson's asexual parent, otherwise known as "Greater Organism Jackson."

The Roosevelt-Muppet Connection (19:20 - 32:44)
Grover, the Muppet, reveals why he is calling from Ms. Piggy's bed (it's not what you think). Teddy Roosevelt stays on from the previous segment and along with Fuzzy Bear tries to explain the connection between Fozzy Bear and Roosevelt family infidelity.

What's Real? Ms. POTG Radio Part 8 (32:52 - 45:46)
The championship round of the Ms. POTG Radio pageant begins. Goat God, who joined for Round Two, comes back to mediate as promised. The three finalists are Tiffany Amber Thiessen (who had previously revealed to POTG Radio how she cannot see herself), the gender-bending Louis/Lois Louise, and BQEesha, part of a highway in NYC. Birdman calls for Question 1.

Gorilla Gross Wants You to Fight: Ms. POTG Radio Part 9 (45:55 - 56:34)
The final round of Ms. POTG Radio continues with the second question, asked by the famed wrestler, Gorilla Gross.

What's the worst thing you've ever done?: Ms. POTG Radio Part 10 (56:34 - 68:41)
The Goat God asks the final question in the championship round of the Ms. POTG Radio pageant and a winner is finally chosen to receive the coveted prize: a typewriter and a minute piece of the Berlin Wall.

Full Episode
The entire episode. You know you want it.

The Brisket Served Right before the Apocalypse, Too Salty but Better than the Alternative

Swedish Mecha-Godzilla vs. Wikipedia vs. McDonald (3:25 - 20:04)
Wickford Pediatro, representing Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, calls with his slippery definition of truth. Somehow this ties in to Swedish Mecha-Godzilla and the man currently living inside him and controlling him, Ronald. Robo Tussin, a man claiming to be a robot who had called earlier, also joins.

The Geographical Center of Albuquerque (20:09 - 42:49)
It's been a long time since clandestine lovers, Ross Perot and Chelsea Clinton, have been on the show. Their old friend, Dennis Rodman, begins the proceedings by translating for their dog. Later Rodman's ex, Carmen Electra calls, as does ESPN head Extreme Strom and Gonzo, the burnt-out muppet who loves rhyming.

Change Something About Yourself: Ms. POTG Radio Part 5 (42:30 - 52:33)
The third round of the Ms. POTG Radio Pageant begins, and unfortunately for the ladies, Gonzo sticks around from the last segment. CJ, the thief who became impaled on the British crown jewels and thus through a strange process is now royalty, joins as a contestant, along with Satan, who technically is equally male and female. Then there is BQEesha, a piece of the BQE (Brooklyn-Queen Expressway) in New York City.

Something You Never Told Your Parents: Ms. POTG Radio Part 6 (52:40 - 65:49)
Questions for the third batch of Ms. POTG Radio contestants continue, though technically this is more of a command: to tell their parents something they've never said to them before. But who could be the real parent of a woman like CJ whose blood was changed, let alone Satan, or a piece of a highway in New York?!

What do you Want your Funeral to be Like? Ms. POTG Radio Part 7 (66:10 - 80:10)
The third question for the third batch of Ms. POTG Radio contestants. Birdbest is woken up to perform a practice eulogy for Satan.

Full Episode
Click here for all of it at once and a little extra in the beginning from a man claiming to be Ben Franklin.

Fruit of the Loins

Fruit of the Loom Gang Part 1 (4:29 - 20:26)
The Grapes from popular underwear company Fruit of the Loom, now a New York real estate mogul, calls to air his gripes with POTG Radio. He brings along his "B Team" which includes Mango and Cucumber, but his lost gay song, Pink Scarf (a watermelon with a pink scarf) is not afraid of his powerful and angry father.

Fruit of the Loom Gang Part 2 (20:18 - 30:17)
Continuing the discussion with the Grapes from Fruit of the Loom and his"people," the Apple calls to reveal the Grapes' abuse. May be inappropriate for parrots and Benjamin Franklin.

Positions on Birdman: Ms. POTG Radio Part 3 (30:18 - 46:05)
The next three ladies competing for the title of Ms. POTG Radio come to the studio to see how the size up to the questioning. The contest will span four episodes and this is the second. The guests include two ambiguous characters, Louis Louise and Rose Royce. Then there's Planet of the Cheese native, Birdie. Somehow the Goat God also joins the fray.

Conversations With Your God: Ms. POTG Radio Part 4 (46:08 - 61:50)
The second batch of contestants for Ms. POTG Radio—Louis Louise, Rose Royce, and Birdie— continue by answering a "deep question."

Full Episode
Listen to this to hear everything at once.

4 out of 5 Dentists are Not Impressed

Bad Teeth (3:49 - 21:01)
What's worse than a guy with macaroni and cheese for teeth? A studio guest answers that question and more.

War and Peace Parties (21:03 - 31:31)
Continuing on the theme of bizarre teeth, the next guest, Quentin Librarian, has a condition where his people can literally read what he's thinking-on his pearly whites.

Worst Traits: Ms. POTG Radio Part 1 (32:07 - 51:15)
Oprah, Tiffany Amber Thiessen, and "the queen of dreams," Queen Mab, are the first three competitors on the multiple-episode-spanning "Ms. POTG Radio Pageant." They have very colorful takes on what their best and worst traits are.

Eating Habits: Ms. POTG Radio Part 2 (51:15 - 69:19)
The first round of the "Ms. POTG Radio Pageant" continues, featuring Oprah, Tiffany Amber Thiessen, and Queen Mab, with a discussion, among other things, of their unorthodox diets.

Full Episode
Listen here if you like it all at once, and like to hear the crap we edited out for the clips.

2007

Love is in the Err (Classic)

All of China Will Jump At Once (4:03 - 23:15)
Lord Moon calls, pronouncing his love for Corrinne, the core of the earth, who turns out to be quite the "Southern belle." Hell is her neighbor. The lawyer for another delusional woman who sometimes calls herself a Southern belle calls to make demands of Corrinne and perhaps find love himself.

Mustache Identity (24:17 - 41:44)
Silvio, the mustache of New Age musician Yanni, has struck out on his own. He wants to find some geisha girls in Tokyo with his good-time buddy, Godzilla, who apparently learned his English from the Australians. POTG Radio host Yahdderman had counseled Godzilla when he was separating from his ex-wife, Mothra.

Leather Sculpture (46:16 - 66:01)
POTG Radio hears from non-threatening rival radio host Newton Folds, who's a bit tiffed that Yanni had called because Yanni was on his show just moments before. Newton is dating a leather-clad Las Vegas cop who loves to throw bricks on him, make him kill cows, and blame it on a doll she made out of leather. Dr Frank of Rocky Horror fame and full of wine and sleeping pills calls to lazily egg Nicoletta on.

Full Episode
Hear a little extra from the above segments, or if you'd like to hear it all at once!

Loving Slim's Goodbody

Most Ukranian Housewives (21:01 - 37:52)
After speaking with a man claiming to be Nostradamus, he reveals that his publisher also publishes the Guinness Book of World Records and that it is a fraud. Willow's girlfriend, Withering Witherspoon, begins to waiver from her plan of dieting and helping Willow get off alcohol in 2007.

Slim's Grape Love Round 1 (52:29 - 61:47)
Health guru Slim Goodbody is the "object of desire" in this installment of POTG Radio's dating contest, Grape Love. The contestants competing for a romantic getaway with Slim are Hillary Clinton, Oprah, and BQEesha, a highway (Brooklyn-Queens Expressway).

Slim's Grape Love Round 2 (61:52 - 75:01)
Part 2 of Slim Goodbody's Grape Love

Slim's Grape Love Round 3 (75:03 - 83:13)
Part 3 of Slim Goodbody's Grape Love

Slim's Grape Love Round 4 (83:15 - 92:23)
The final round and outcome of Slim Goodbody's Grape Love

Full Episode
Besides the topics described in the above segments, you'll hear from Nostradmus, more from Willow's girlfriend Withering Witherspoon, and more background information on the Grape Love contestants

Medical Thighs

Root Canals are Written in the Stars (4:00 - 19:48)
Willow introduces the hosts to Doctor Logan, who secretes medicine through his thighs, and Al Dente the Toothless Dentist. They reveal secrets of Tibetan thigh transmitigation and Astrological root canal readings.

Family Tides (22:59 - 43:07)
As per your requests, POTG Radio's hosts break down some emotional walls and speak to their parents on the show. The family consists of Deaze Beans's legume and bean parents, UB's asexual parent, and a piece of wedding cake and a parrot who loves cream cheese sandwiches as Yahdderman's mother and father.

Santa vs. Swedish Mecha-Godzilla (44:44 - 58:16)
A special holiday interview with the jolly man himself, plus his chain-smoking, porn reruns and desire to turn large cities into personal amusement parks. Santa reveals his bitter feud with Swedish Mecha-Godzilla.

Full Episode
Also on this episode are Swedish Mecha-Godzilla's inside resident Ronald, Smalto the Jewish Dragon who hates Christian children, and his fangirl Lily.

Image Makeover

The Grim Reaper's Brunch with Fabio (2:10 - 24:02)
The Grim Reaper calls to announce his image change. This leads to Fabio calling, who is trying to convince the Grim Reaper to grant him immortality and destroy falcons. The Afterbirth Fairy calls as does her current lover, the King of Thailand.

Satan is Pained by Slain (24:10 - 31:48)
Slain, a depressed high schooler, is upset because the Grim Reaper had just called to announce his "image change" (which involves pink suits). Satan then calls to set Slain straight. Piglet calls at the end to get them off and call attention to himself.

Piglet vs the Inter-Sexual, Part 1 (31:48 - 43:13)
Piglet calls to announce he has recently joined the motorcycle gang headed by Gimnael, Grimace's brother. Gimnael calls shortly thereafter to announce his new love, but alas there is trouble in paradise. Slain, the depressed teenager from the previous segment, sneaks back on the show.

Piglet vs the Inter-Sexual, Part 2 (43:08 - 62:14)
Louis Louise, who is a man by day and woman by night, fights to keep the love of the straight Gimnael. S/he calls gets her friend Falucio, "God of the Harlequins," on the phone. Louis claims to have not known that harlequins and motorcyclists are sworn enemies. POTG Radio's producer, Willow, chimes in from his control booth to explain why Slain the depressed teenager keeps interrupting the show.

Full Episode
Click here if you want it all at once and/or like transitions.

Coke Rises in the East

Turkey Basting (0:54 - 17:39)
T.T, the official Thanksgiving turkey of 2007, calls. It turns out he's getting his kicks in before getting eaten and is in bed with a celebrity who's a favorite of the tabloids. The Harlem River calls to combat the fact that the East River was on last episode and is friends with T.T.

Going Down Under (17:44 - 41:53)
The Harlem River's impersonations of other famous POTG Radio callers provokes the one and only Ronald to call. This in turn gets the Burger King to call for he first time ever. It turns out he's in Australia and is friends with Godzilla, who is originally Australian. Pretty soon it's an almost all-Australian panel as a representative from the Australian Union of Falcons calls, along with Nunchuck the kangaroo. Godzilla becomes bloodthirsty for Ronald.

Coke Sprinkles (42:13 - 65:01)
Ice cream mogul man made out of ice cream, Cream Christ, calls. He apparently has discovered a certain substance, and has procured Luigi of Mario Bros. fame to help change his image. Rodney the Caped Ice Cream Man and JC Superstar call to try to intervene with Cream Christ's new hobby. They all work together on JC's bid to win the election for "Ruler of United Scandinavia." Then we hear from Mario, Luigi's blow-up doll, and the woman the blow-up doll was modeled after.

Full Episode
Click here to hear it all at once, with some extra stuff in between. Yessss.

Take Me to the River

The East River's Filthy Mouth (29:32 - 45:40)
Teriyaki Boy, owner of a chain of NYC Japanese fast food restaurants, is called in response to one of the POTG Radio hosts having been sick from the food recently. Apparently, Teriyaki Boy knows New York's own East River, who tries to be civil at first but can't resist being filthy and controversial. Teriyaki Boy also apparently dated Paris Hilton, who calls.

Elton John's Fountain of Youth (45:41 - 62:58 )
Adding to the fray with the East River and Teriyaki Boy, TV icons Arnold and Webster call to debate Teriyaki Boy's claim that he is immortal. They believe only they are immortal. The US Coast Guard is called in, and plans hatch to bring some of the East River's water to Egypt, now run by Elton John.

Full Episode
Besides what's described in the above segments, you'll also hear from casino maven Rhinestone Ugluliat, and from wrestlers Squid Man and John the Baptist, members of billionaire Lipton LaMask's elite wrestling circuit. LaMask enjoys eating the embryos of species not known to science outside the circle of his personal hunters, but on this call had one lodged in his throat, a donut-shaped amoeba. His secretary does some of the talking for him at first before falling in love/hate with Rhinestone.

Legends in Their Own Minds

Are You Ready to Rock? (1:37 - 28:01)
Jezlude, lead singer of extreme band, GWAR, calls to offer his services to write a POTG Radio jingle and complain about how two of his rivals from old battle of the bands at state fairs were recently on the show. This prompts said rivals, Gib from the band Gardening in Biodomes and Joe from Gardening in Possible Biodomes, to call and have it out.

Safe Sex (51:52- 64:51)
Gimnael, motorcycle-riding, peyote-loving brother of Grimace, shows up in the studio unannounced. He tells stories of Mexican brothels and his time with the Leaf People of Panama.

Full Episode
You will also hear from wrestler Pablo Mozart, who wins matches by painting himself pinning his opponent, the real Mozart, the real Picasso, and wrestler Starman.

Death Fetish

Tiffany Amber Thiessen is not a Prophet (3:03 - 26:28)
(Someone claiming to be) Tiffany Amber Thiessen calls with a peculiar problem: she cannot see herself. A club DJ calls to offer his aid, revealing in the process his more interesting assistant, a man known as Earthquake who has been reincarnated many times since Mohammed founded Islam. Gandhi calls. Apparently he has a history with Earthquake.

Bill Power: Cosby vs. Clinton (26:50 - 52:18)
Bill Cosby wants a eulogy while he is still alive, and he's courting master eulogist Birdbest to do it. He's not winning favor with Birdbest though, since Cosby has re-wired Birdbests's TiVo to always play the Cosby Show and has an army of Demi Moore clones re-wiring Birdbest's house. Bill Clinton is called because Cosby is jealous of POTG Radio's "other Bill."

Dear Mr. President: Cleopatra's Ghost Won't Sleep With Me. Please Help (52:58 - 67:13)
With the phone lines clear of all except Bill Clinton, Birdbest's deadbeat father and resident of Egypt, Birdman, calls to pick the ex-president's brain about womanizing. He can't seem to get Cleopatra's Ghost in bed. In the conversation, Birdman reveals that he now shares his apartment (inside the great Sphinx), with a certain refrigerator who has been holding the Anti-Horse's heart hostage. The Anti-Horse calls to finally settle the score.

Full Episode
Click here if you like it all in order, and if you like transitions

Ice Cold Potatoes

Mole Man vs. JC Superstar, Scandinavia '08 (9:35 - 23:28)
POTG Radio hears from Mole Man, who is running for "Ruler of United Scandinavia," a contest with strange rules. He announces he is dating CJ, the mother of his opponent, JC Superstar. In 2006, CJ "fell on" the British crown jewels while attempting to steal them, which set in motion a process that turned her into royalty. Gonzo also calls to have it out with Mole Man.

The Politics of Ice Cream (26:21 - 41:21)
With Mole Man and JC Superstar both campaigning to be elected "Ruler of United Scandinavia," they turn to two famous ice cream makers for support. The first is the cold-hearted Cream Christ, the second is Rodney the Caped Ice Cream Man.

Gardening in Possible Biodomes (41:46 - 58:51)
Ernie calls from the secret hospital where he is being kept against his will; he has not, in fact, died of cancer. He has no idea where the hospital is located and fears that for the upcoming event known as the "Airing of Correctances," he will make the worst mashed potatoes (as judged by Snuffleupagus), and thus be crucified. Two rock musicians call to offer help, as well as David the Gnome.

Full Episode
Hear all of the above plus get more in depth with the United Ruler of Scandinavia race.

Binge Drunking

Whale Man, Defender of Morality (3:00 - 18:15)
Whale Man, a hermaphroditic whale who used to be married to porn producer Jermaine Jermolst, calls POTG Radio. S/he is attempting to go to the other extreme by becoming a moral crusader, though a call from her son, ex-Nickelodeon host Donnie Jeffcoat, reveals s/he's probably yearning for a lover more than missing family.

Transgender Whales Need Love Too (18:29 - 35:26)
Whale man can change genders, and so can caller Louis Louise, a new kind of drag racer. That's why Louis calls to feel out what a little romance between the two may be like. You'll also hear from Roy Guilt, a man who literally carries the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Full Episode

Sibling Ribaldry

Differing Strokes (2:33 - 18:07)
Arnold from "Different Strokes" and Webster claim they're immortal brothers and bicker over who is the bigger POTG Radio fan.

Wolves With Clown Makeup (18:18 - 34:20)
Twin pagan gods This and Thus call to promote "Truth: The Board Game," defying logic along the way , talking in disarmingly calm voices, and generally mocking humanity.

The State of Nevada v. The Mario Bros (34:23 - 51:34)
Mario and Luigi speak of how Luigi is being set-up with criminal charges. Apparently, what started in Vegas may not always stay in Vegas.

The Jamaican Soul Trapped in Scooter's Body (51:39 - 68:52)
Skeeter of the Muppets calls to out her brother, Scooter, who has reverted to his old irresponsible lifestyle. The Jamaican soul that Scooter claims possessed him then calls to give his side, and somehow Wayne Brady also makes an appearance.

Full Episode
Listen here for all segments, and if you like transitions.

Language Barriers

Shrimp Porn (7:31 - 19:17)
Jermaine Jermolst, a porn director formerly married to a hermaphroditic whale, calls to promote his new male porn star. The call was prompted by UB's previous discussion of the pistol shrimp; the porn star goes by that same name, Pistol Shrimp, and offers his unique version of peace for England and Ireland.

Beck's Lingo Nouveau (19:23 - 30:44)
POTG Radio's favorite ex-president besides Clinton, Teddy Roosevelt, calls to demonstrate his new job: translating for the musician Beck, who has writ ten so many songs with nonsensical lyrics that he can no longer communicate logically.

Cave Masturbation (30:44 - 47:13)
In the previous section, Beck had expressed, via his interpreter Teddy Roosevelt, that he wanted to speak with Grimace's cousin, Plum Plumber, a large green plum-man who lives and works on Long Island, NY. Once he's on, they explore how "spending time" in the same cave has created a telepathic link between them. Then the "First Man" calls, followed by a 16 year old girl who proves that even the first man is just a dirty old man.

Horseheart on the Rocks (47:15 - 71:27)
Who is an ancient, tortured Arabian steed that brings people back from the dead? The Anti-Horse, and he thinks he's dying because he can't remember bringing Teddy Roosevelt (who's still on the phone from earlier) back from the dead. The Anti-Horse is doubly worried because his heart has been inside of Slifrigerator, health guru Slim Goodbody's old refrigerator, for a very long time. The two had met in ancient Persia and have an old rivalry. Slifrigerator eventually reveals his new desert location, prompting a call from Birdman, his current neighbor.

Full Episode
Also on the show, U.B. Jackson gives an alternate meaning to Pistol Shrimp. Willow drinks.

The Birds And The Bees

Birdman Grape Love Part 1 (19:43 - 33:40)
Rival radio host Birdman is granted amnesty and makes a live studio appearance for the first time. POTG Radio is honoring a promise that he could be the "Object of Desire" on Grape Love, their dating game. The three contestants are Oxford (Deez Nuts' announcer), The Afterbirth Fairy, and Bill Cosby.

Birdman Grape Love Part 2 (33:44 - 48:47)
The second half of Birdman's Grape Love. Find out what Bill Cosby has a tattoo of and what everyone thinks of Internet sex videos.

Bird is the Word (49:19 - 64:13)
Birdman's prior appearance sparks a call from Birdbunch- conjoined septuplet birds. Then, to keep with the theme, Big Bird calls to complain how they take jobs away from him performing on the cruise line circuit.

Full Episode
Besides what's described in the above segments, you'll also hear from Don Kong the clothing designer (formerly known as Donkey Kong), a Republican bee who does not like the phrase "birds and bees," his queen bee, Sallie, and her would-be suitor, the mathematician Fibonacci.

Small Wonders

The Queen of Dreams (3:34 - 26:13)
POTG radio speaks to Queen Mab, a fairy who claims to control dreams. King Louis V of France then calls to reveal details about their relationship and the secret of the old French monarchy. Then, Queen Mab's advances on Willow, POTG Radio's producer, are brought to light.

Survivor: Vietnam (27:12 - 44:45)
Piglet from the Winnie the Pooh show calls to discuss how he recently shot the series Survivor: Vietnam. Cobra Commander an Destro, villains from the G.I Joe world, were also on the show and call.

Full Episode
Aside from the topics described in the above segments, you'll here the hosts discuss Internet regulations and prostate masturbation in the intro banter, as well as more from Piglet, Cobra Commander, Destro, the robot that Piglet built with David Hasselhoff to beat them at Survivor, and ex-wrestler Starman.

Slave Labor

Fry Kid Evolution (14:06 - 32:56)
After speaking with Santiago McPherson, a lawyer for the McDonaldland Fry Kids, and Pontius Pilate, a judge, two Fry Kids are called. After Santiago guesses as to where Fry Kids come from, SpongeBob Squarepants (or as he says, "Squibblesquat") and his pants call. Sponge Bob works for Crab Man's underwater fast food joint and reveals he has used underwater potatoes as fries, who become Fry Kids if you let them grow. He has sold these grown "Fry Kids" to Ronald McDonald for labor.

The Negative Stock Market (46:36 - 56:46)
Bob Beasley from the Bank of New York calls POTG Radio to complain that his employees are distracted by the show and asks that it be taken off the air. When he mentions Bill Clinton's old negative money idea and how he has invested in a stock market based on it, Clinton's father, Bill Elvis Johnson For Short, calls. Beasley also reveals his true identity.

Full Episode
Also in this episode, Quailburglar calls to represent McDonald's. Bill Clinton is found in Sri Lanka and cues POTG Radio in on Negative Casinos. We also hear from Captain Morgan, the once masculine pirate, now a casino manager.

Everyone's Got an Announcer

Everybody Has Nipples, Part 1 (19:37 - 28:59)
Wendell Woah and Clergy Man are the sidekicks for a man who preaches about nipple empowerment. While he tries to keep them in line, he explains why POTG Radio rival Deez Nuts is providing yet another reason to hate him.

Everyone Has Nipples Part 2 (29:00 - 52:53)
Deez Nuts, with his new announcer, Oxford, in tow calls to defend himself and why he hates nipples. Grimace's brother, Gimnael, calls, spaces out.

Gonzoisms (58:00 - 66:01)
After Dr. Frank of Rocky Horror Picture Show fame was explaining how Idaho used to be a colony for very liberal people "back in the day," Gonzo is called to demonstrate his rhyming technique.

Full Episode
Middle-Aged Man Winter lives in his father's cold shadow and admits to being pecked by Pelican Pecorino. Sexual harassment charges may follow.

The Blizzard of Brie

Birdman Cuts the Brie, Part 1 (19:03 - 32:03)
Rival host Birdman of "Planet of the Cheese" calls looking to score a date with a listener, prompting a call from The Hairball Brothers. After that, "Brie," a man in the cheese business who Birdman allegedly helped, calls. Apparently, all Birdman did was send huge amounts of brie cheese to Mount Olympus, thus incurring the wrath of Zeus and the Goat God, since many goats and bovines were killed due to exhaustion from fulfilling the huge order.

Birdman Cuts the Brie, Part 2 (19:03 - 32:03)
Ronald then gets on the phone, his floating palace having crashed into Venice due to Zeus' lightning bolts, all because of Birdman's ordering ridiculous amounts of brie cheese to Mount Olympus. The man known as "Brie" wants his money for the order.

Wrong Number (32:07 - 38:45)
With Ronald still on the phone lamenting how his floating palace has crashed into Venice, POTG Radio gets a wrong number call and makes the best of it.

Let it Snow (in April) (38:52 - 59:55)
Boris Yeltsin calls from the dead, complaining about the man who controls his cloud, Blizzard Man, who has created the bad weather for April. He did this to punish Boy Man, who is in Siberia with the circus impresario/American leprechaun Quilquoshe LaBoast. Prince calls to make Quilquoshe a business proposition, as does the Sphinx, also experiencing bad weather since Birdman lives in his nostrils and has fallen out of Blizzard Man's favor as well.

Full Episode
Click here to get it all at once, and if you enjoy segues.

The New York-Siberia Express

Mother Theresa's Skull (0:32 - 11:30)
POTG Radio speaks with Tor, the janitor of NYC. After sending out a bizarre request for his clothing preferences, Mother Therysiskel, mother of a "baby bishop," calls to negotiate with Tor.

Siberian War Babies (11:43 - 35:05)
Somehow Col. Mustard of Clue, adult children's model Boy Man, and Gonzo of the Muppets are all involved in a pending war that raises moral, philosophical, and questionable questions. May cause breach births.

Full Episode
Also on the show, ex-cricketer Sanjay Singh call to explain underground the NYC phenomenon of English Handball. Sleazy Chee, another player who is a chicken/architect/ex-rapper, calls to give his side, as do Julia Childs, Mole Man, and the greatest player of the sport.

Pagan Pecorino

Pecorino Patience Part 1 ()
Yahdderman is sick, so Pelican Pecorino calls, claiming his pecorino beak has healing qualities.Pecorino Patience, a pagan god, calls, claiming he is responsible for the beak's powers. Currently attached to him is Quailburglar, who wanted some of that power for himself and is also Pelican Pecorino's father. Gimnael is called to attest to the healing powers of the beak.

Pecorino Patience Part 2 ()
Zeus is called to assess Pecorino Patience's power as a a pagan god. Then Kid Gicarus, who interned for Pecorino Patience, calls. Pecorino Patience is scared that if Quailburglar tries to mate with him, there will be catastrophic consequences. Earth Man, the two-mouthed by-product of the fact that Zeus touched Pecorino Patience, calls.

Full Episode
Besides the topics described in the above segments, you'll also hear from JC Superstar and Mole Man as they continue their political campaign in Scandinavia, George Bush, Michael Jackson's hat, Pontius Pilate, and POTG Radio's old friend Bill Clinton.

Presidents' Day Blow Out

Clown Hasselhoff ()
"Young David Hasselhoff" calls, claiming he is a version of the entertainer in the past. Then his mother calls to specify what he means. She has spent time in the lab of Dr. Bozo, a clown/doctor who calls to reveal the bigotry that clowns face.

Old Hickory's Ho-Downs ()
Following his discussion of clown segregation, President Andrew Jackson begins detailing his open parties at the White House. It turns out that somehow David Hasselhoff's mother used to attend and that Andrew, along with his friends Rumpelstiltskin and Gorilla Boy, had a bet to see who could sleep with her first. The winner's face would be on the one million dollar tea bill.

The Business of Being Bird Best ()
Teddy Roosevelt and his butler, Teddy Ruxpin, had been on and wanting to talk about conservation and birds. This prompted Bird Best, one of Birdman's illegitimate sons, to call. He squabbles with Teddy and Teddy about birds and then speaks about his practice of giving eulogies for people he didn't know.

Full Episode
Besides the topics listed in the above segments, you'll also hear an interview with Teddy Roosevelt and his butler, Teddy Ruxpin. One of POTG Radio's pathetic competitors, Newton Folds, tries to reveal President Roosevelt as a fraud.

2006

Nutritional Jello

2.3 American Children ()
The average American family has 2.3 children, according to the US Census. We get .3 on the phone to talk about his half-formed tragedy

The Afterbirth Fairy Part 1: Jello is Vital ()
.3's mother, the Afterbirth Fairy, introduces herself and her job to Planet of the Grapes. This evokes business and sexual interest from Bill Cosby.

The Afterbirth Fairy Part 2: Mosquito Feud ()
Contrary to what the Afterbirth Fairy claims about her abilities, Mosquit O. Buttlow accuses her of owning a mosquito slave camp.

Full Episode
You'll also hear first time interviews with Yoton O'Sunlove, a sniper who snipes people with sunlight, and the Goat God.

The Return of Yanni

Dating Sacajawea (1:23 - 14:01)
The hosts discuss a variety of topics, including gold dolllar coins and the ramifications of relationships with Sacajawea and her sister, as well as Bill Clinton's old idea for "negative money."

Grape Love Part 1: Introductions (14:04 - 36:33)
The hosts catch up with old friend Yanni. Then, the three contestants who will be competing to win a romantic getaway with him in the POTG Radio dating game, Grape Love, come into the studio: Birdie from the McDonaldland crew, the ambiguous Rose Royce, and crown jewel thief CJ.

Yanni Grape Love Part 2 (36:33 - 54:17)
The first and second rounds of questions for Yanni's Grape Love.

Yanni Grape Love Part 3 (54:18 - 67:50)
The third round of Grape Love questions.

Yanni Grape Love Part 4 (68:01-94:09)
The final round of Grape Love and Yanni's decsion.

Full Episode
Listen to this if you wish to listen to the show in full, of if you want to hear the breaths, thoughts, and chewing that were edited out.

Plum Power!

Mystery Interview (29:02 - 44:59)
POTG radio's oldest ally gives a rare interview and remains in the studio for the remainder of the episode.

Susan Powter, Health Nut (54:30 - 62:05)
90s health guru Susan Powter calls to pick a bone with our special in-studio guest.

Drag Racer (62:43 - 78:25)
Louis Louise calls, explaining how he is a drag racer in more than one sense of the term. POTG Radio also hears from his disapproving mother.

Clown Wars (78:48 - 98:58)
McDonaldland henchman Quailburglar (he has changed his name) is confronted by the clown he tried to explode while skiing in the Alps.

Full Episode
Besides the topics described in the above segments, you'll also hear from Shirtman, clothing designer Don Kong (formerly Donkey Kong), and the actual personifications of the logos "Have a Nice Day" and "Shit Happens."

Harlequin Wars

Gimnael Interview (24:27 - 33:26)
The hosts interview Grimace's motorcycle gang-member brother, Gimnael, who was in Reno for a rally.

LaQueesh the Harlequin (33:34 - 46:19)
After Gimnael describes how flying Harlequins who live in the plains of Canada attack American motorcyclists, a Harlequin on his way to Reno calls.

She's Having The Baby! (46:20 - 61:04)
Grimace calls to offer his brother sanctuary on his battleship, then Bjord Scarecrow calls to fight with Gimnael over a woman.

Richard Simmons Interview (63:21- 78:33)
The health guru behind "Sweating to the Oldies" and old friend of POTG Radio calls to describe some of his new products.

Full Episode
Besides the topics described in the above segments, you'll also hear about POTG Radio's bizarre missing microphone and an interview with its instructional manual, Willow's brother, Willus, and Indian game show host Gilbert Gabooge.

Classic Clips

Elvis is Circling the Building - 2006 (16:03)

With ice cream mogul Cream Christ still on the phone (after debating with Rodney the Caped Ice Cream Man), Elvis Presley calls. His manager, The Colonel, joins. Both are calling while riding large gold birds. | Play

Crown Jewel Thief Part 2 - 2006 (17:52)

Mole Man gets off and health guru Slim Goodbody is called to add his advice, as CJ's situation has become more of a medical one. | Play

Crown Jewel Thief, Part 1 - 2006 (13:24)

A third caller seeks advice from Mole Man and JC Superstar amidst their "advice face-off." The caller, CJ, has stolen and then became impaled on the crown jewels of England. | Play

Rodney the Caped Ice Cream Man Interview - 2006 (26:35)

POTG Radio brings to its studios the colorful character who considers the entire continental U.S. his ice cream route and has the widest and most unique roster of flavors ever known. | Play

Communism - 2006 (9:11)

The mascot representing an age-old rite of the Roman Catholic Mass calls, revealing anything and anyone can be bought out. | Play

Quailburglar - 2000 (16:21)

Hamburglar calls to describe why he will be known as "Quailburglar" in the new millennium. Then Quail Man calls to challenge him. | Play

Gorilla Gross, Pro Wrestler - 2006 (7:28)

POTG Radio speaks with Gorilla Gross, a 12- foot tall Vaseline-covered gorilla from billionaire Lipton LaMask's elite underground wrestling circuit. Psychotherapist Dr. Flappenhauer had been in the studio, trying to help solve the mystery of wrestling fan Squid Man's mysterious death and subsequent resurrection. | Play

Pele, The Soccer-Playing Cow - 2006 (14:53)

An interview from summer 2006 from the multi-uddered, bicycle-kicking, hard partier and womanizer, Pele the Soccer Playing Cow. | Play

Lord Moon - 2006 (13:39)

He claims you don't look up at him — you look up to him. He is Lord Moon, and he's a little bit of a diva. | Play

Toddler Modeling - 2006 (15:02)

Boy Man, a 42 year old man with a toddler's face who is a toddler model, is challenged by a model competitor, a 4 year old child genius named Brian. Brian is using the fact that he is having lunch with 90s swimsuit model Kathy Ireland to make Boy Man jealous. Then American leprechaun, Quilquoshe LaBoast, calls to propose his business schemes involving Boy Man and Brian. | Play

Don Kong's Fashion Line - 2000 (16:28)

Donkey Kong, known now as fashion designer Don Kong, calls to discuss his controversial new line of clothes that "involve murder." Bishop O'Reilly calls to discuss the ethics of this. Then a mother and her genius infant son, "Rest in Peace," call. Rest in Peace is in the hospital, a victim of the Bishop's "art." *Willow saved this tape from Ronald, who had used it to clean his toilet, so please don't mind the occasional audio glitches.* | Play

Newton And Birdman - 2006 (20:20)

Newton Folds, the man who claims he did a show called Planet of the Grapes during a hiatus, calls. Birdman is called and asked about his co-hort Deeze Nuts' destruction of 2/3 of Chile and his second career as a cheese expert. | Play

Clown Wars - 2006 (20:21)

Quailburglar of McDonald's boasts of a game played in the alps called "Ski Wars". While describing the absurd and dangerous weapons they prefer to use, Clyde the Clown, a sad victim of these games calls the show to testify against him. | Play

The Afterbirth Fairy - 2006 (24:53)

POTG Radio gets the exclusive interview of The Tooth Fairy's rival, known only in the delivery rooms of hospitals worldwide. | Play

Negative Money - 1998 (13:13)

Ex-President Bill Clinton, who was actually president at the time, clues in POTG Radio on his new economic solution. | Play

Dead to the World - 2006 (24:06)

With the help of a sneaky nurse, POTG Radio gets an exclusive interview with Ernie from Sesame Street, who was rumored to have died of cancer. The truth is that he survived, but resides in a hospital where they put people they want to get rid of. And by "They", we mean Big Bird and Snuffleupagus. | Play

Muppet Baby Dirty Laundry, Part 4 - 2001 (13:59)

The Muppet Baby feud wraps up with a description of their current living situation. | Play

Muppet Baby Dirty Laundry, Part 3 - 2001 (15:55)

Animal and Kermit add to the fray. | Play

Muppet Baby Dirty Laundry, Part 2 - 2001 (13:23)

Gonzo is trying to have a doctor fax medical records on Fozzy to prove he has a multiple personality disorder. Then POTG Radio calls Skeeter and Scooter, who have office jobs. Ms. Piggy and Rolf also call. | Play

Muppet Baby Dirty Laundry, Part 1 - 2001 (13:23)

This segment begins with Fozzy calling, revealing he has a multiple-personality disorder and also speaks as "Mole Man" and "Penelope." He's followed by the bitter Gonzo and Nanny's Legs. | Play