San Francisco Bathroom Reviews
All San Francisco reviews written by Caitlin Donovan. Above photograph: credit ©Josh Heller
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The Phoenix Bar & Irish Gathering House
811 Valencia St
April 01, 2008
I was in a rush, but I did notice the following:
-a mysterious wet substance on display in a random pattern on the floor.
-an underused mop and bucket in the corner.
-a smattering of beer and liquor logos on all four walls.
-harsh lighting that makes me wish I laid off the fried appetizers.
-a pathetic excuse for a toilet paper holder.
-a diminished sense of self upon exiting.
Rating: 4.0
Plouf
40 Belden Place
March 11, 2008
Plouf means "splash" in French, but more along the lines of a stone skipping water than a fat kid doing a cannonball into a swimming pool. The petite restaurant located in an enchanting alley way boasted an equally whimsical bathroom. The rustic blues and golds were quite a shock from the generic gray door that leads from the outside world in. I honestly thought it would be on par with many SF joints that share restrooms to save on space, but I was delighted to find a quaint little oasis ready and waiting. A tiled mosaic of a star was strewn across the floor, a sweet wicker basket sat patiently beside the john, like my own personal rubbish Garçon should I need one. It really is divine to have something other than wadded up toilet paper and questionable liquid splashes of God' knows what to stare at when relieving yourself. Oui?
Rating: 7.0
Spa Radiance
3011 Fillmore Street
March 04, 2008
This water closet brings the term "floral arrangement" to a whole 'nother level. After a pint-sized masseuse spent 60 min working on my "tissues," the toxins were a flowing and I needed to release them. All four walls are smothered in rows of petite little plastic flowers that give it an almost Alice in Wonderland type feel of being thrust into a magical garden. A sweet, minty aroma wafted in and around me as I became so mesmerized by the bathroom's pleasantness that I nearly forgot why I was there in the first place.
Everything is prim and proper and in it's place, which I suppose is the point since you don't want to drop decent money to "relax" and then have all your anxieties flood back into your neurosis at the sight of a disheveled loo. But the best bit, at least in my opinion, was the economy sized bottle of european hand soap in lavender, or Lavende, that made my hands smell positively delightful, and stayed that way for a couple hours.
Rating: 8.0
Lone Palm
3394 22nd Street
February 12, 2008
It's becoming increasingly apparent that there's a certain air of ridiculousness about me. I assure you it's a natural, God given trait. I certainly did not seek it out. A pint of Sierra Nevada and some passionate bitching about my day led me to my first pee break. It's most likely the enthusiasm with which I tell my stories that creates enough pressure on my bladder to turn the "must pee" light on in my head.
The Lone Palm is a quaint little Mission bar with tacky yet endearing decorations, and a surprisingly narrow bathroom. Not "crazy, must turn sideways narrow," but "no matter how you hold your camera up, you can't capture more than a fraction of the grand total," narrow. Fortunately, my pal Kathryn entered at just the right moment. Picking up on my frustrations with her Spidey senses, she demanded that I mount her shoulders to create not only the most awesome human totem pole in the history of the world (mainly because she had to pee and I was laughing too hard for the first couple minutes to actually snap any pics), but the perfect height with which to accurately document this pisser.
The butter and rum raisin color combo (complete with paint chips) added a certain "je ne sais quoi" to the atmosphere. Faux antique mirrors lined the walls, and while the Palmolive dispenser is no longer in working order, a full bottle of Target's Method brand hand soap was provided as an alternative. While at times I got the impression that I had been transported to a bordello or pirate ship, I must say I had a smashing time. This toilet brought me to new heights.
Rating: 8.0
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