1) You have a weak brain. Scientists have shown that people who don't think have a weaker brain. A weak brain, if taken out of its skull, would not stand up in a knife fight against a stronger brain or a doberman pinscher.
2) Oregano and Ham don't work well together. We tried putting them next to each other at the cash registers, and all they did was joke about Nietszche. Clearly, Nietzsche was NOT funny (see also "Why aren't you married yet?").
3) Oooooooooooooooooh shit. Was that mature? How come "nipple" is still borderline controversial to say?
4) The thirty-fifth dimension is made out of the words you WISH you said. All those choices that would never be still exist in some fashion. Don't think about it. Be about it. You about it? [OR] Will you have se-X with me?
5) I want to live in a world without hours.
6) If a kung fu grip is referred to by a white belt, does that mean they have a limp handshake?
Stereotype: You're an affront to the lourd!
Heat rays from the Gulf of Mexico: You can't prove that.
7) Amelia Earhart watches over my bed at night. Someday I'm going to disappear out of thin air, too. One person will witness it, but they'll burn their eyes out. I mean I will. Then I'll disappear.
You) are in purgatory. A road forks in two directions. On one road, there is a see-through apartment where the devil is putting on makeup . The other road has a mirage of a diner having a cheeseburger clearance.
If you choose the road with the mirage, go to stun 9.
If you choose to flirt with the devil, go to stun 10.
9) Moses, people don't give their kids cool names anymore. You're the bomb! Except when you dropped those tablets. Everybody makes the joke that there were fifteen commandments but you broke one of the tablets and said it was ten, but I don't believe them. You're the real deal!
(You are consumed by your obsession with Moses and start the official Moses Fan Club website. The End.)
10) Visible oxygen
(Coincidentally, choose your own adventure books never took off. Go to Stun 9, sucker)
11) Tsing me a song. A song about tapioca pearls and the people who convince themselves they love them.
12) "I'm a failure." -Thomas Edison, George Washington, Pablo Picasso, Eli Whitney, Steven Seagal, that guy from Star Trek, George Hamilton IX, various pieces of fried food, Humphrey Bogart's personal assistant, five randomly chosen white girls, and the concept of backwards
putting a little elbow grace into life,
Father 6rd