This piece is used as part of CROWD Theater Company's Production "An Invitation to Breathe." It was originally performed in February 2004 at the Producer's Club Theater, New York City
Teacher: Jared DiDomenico; Timmy: Brad Naprixas; Zutream: Albert Sanchez; Directed by Terry Wilson
INT. Classroom - DAY
The blackboard reads: "Be sure to bring in your high school applications tomorrow!!!" Across from the classroom door is a teacher's desk, where TEACHER sits, wearing a white dress shirt and a striped tie. TIMMY wears a light blue dress shirt and a navy tie and pants. He sits in a chair in front of the desk.
Timmy, I'm concerned with your creative paper.
Which one?
The one where you were supposed to create an imaginary country and describe the demographics in depth.
Ok, shoot.
I understand and respect your creative liberty, but I don't feel you're taking it seriously. You also fail to give details. Here, you say the name of the country is "Me-Bestia." Is that a sexual reference?
Timmy laughs.
Oh no, no! (under breath) Silly mortal.
What?
Oh, nothing. (points to himself) Me... best. Get it?
Right... ok, well, what about it's location? You're going to fill the English Channel?
Yeah! I figure if the English Channel were to be filled up and a country was put there, then there's no threat of Great Britain seceding from the continent.
But the continent is not like a country. There's no reason why Great Britain would do that.
I knew you'd say that, so as a backup plan, it also serves for much easier invasion. Britain's had it too easy.
What?! Nevermind, let's move on. Ok, here you say the currency is gas. What do you mean gas?
Think about it. Methane is energy, and we just waste it away. I think if our gas was contained in small cubes, seeing as how it'll be 2050 by the time I rule it...
You rule? Are you serious?
Yeah! And I'll have eight days in a week.
But that's not scientifically correct.
It's ok, I failed my science class. Therefore, I won't have to worry about physics or everything. We can all float around. It'll save the economy billions of cc's of gas on mass transit. That way we can focus on law enforcement.
You're out of your mind!
Think about it! People can float. Do you have any idea how many float fights there would be? Also, you could just fly into someone's window and start looting. No, the police will have guilt guns, which makes the victims give up out of regret. And all billy clubs will have "FREEDOM" written on it!
How sadistic...
There you go again on the sex question. Didn't I explain to you that prostitution was legal? Not only that, but people will be allowed to have marriage licenses with plants!
What are you talking about?!
Oh yeah, I almost forgot... language! The language would consist solely of english phrasess, like "It takes two to tango," and, "Money doesn't grow on trees." See, those two phrases talk about the economy, cooperation, dance lessons, and the environment. It's easy! Then there's my favorite, "It is often necessary to burn in the atmosphere."
That's not an English phrase.
Just gimme time to start filling the English Channel.
Teacher stands up.
I'm sorry, Timmy, but I can't pass you. Furthermore, I think you should seek psychiatric advice.
Good idea! Then we can get into urban sociology.
Out!!
INT - Small white room.
The room has only an overhead lamp, a chair and a desk. There are no windows, only one door. On the desk lies a mess of chili over a paper plate. Timmy, now much older, sits in a chair, wearing snakeskin boots and a one-piece women's bathing suit. The door opens, and ZUTREAM enters, wearing a checkerboard jumpsuit.
Mr. President, your eight grade teacher is here to see you.
Kill her, Zutream.
Can we afford to cover up such a deed? After all, it is often quite necessary to burn in the atmosphere.
Timmy pats his belly.
Not to worry. I'm making more Federal Reserve Notes right now.
FADE OUT