Hot Wax

by Jared DiDomenico

2003

*This piece is used as part of CROWD Theater Company's Production "An Invitation to Breathe." It was originally performed in February 2004 at the Producer's Club Theater, New York, New York*

Original Cast: Captor: Brad Naprixas. Paul: Robert Moreira. Directed by Terry Wilson.

Lights up. Paul Favorites stands on a small plank over a large tub of hot wax. His hands are tied behind his back. The captor struts around the tub and Paul, gloating.

CAPTOR

Your upper middle class cocoon of contentment makes me siiiick! You were living in a bubble and I had the calling to burst it. Somewhat randomly, sure. But if it wasn't you it would be one of your self-satisfied 3 car neighbors. You're just the median of the demographic. I even hate your name, Paul Favorites!

PAUL

Okay, now it makes more sense  

CAPTOR

What?

PAUL

No, you answered my question  

CAPTOR

Okay...

PAUL

Yeah, thanks

CAPTOR

Yes, but now I'm going to lower you into a tub of hot wax.

PAUL

Okay

CAPTOR

What do you mean "okay"? You'll slowly be burned alive in an excrutiating death by no real fault of your own.

PAUL

Yeah, I know. You told me already. You know, I've done a lot of thinking about it up here, and I'm cool with it  

CAPTOR

"Cool" with it?

PAUL

Yeah, Vince. Do kids still say "cool"?

CAPTOR

I don't....I guess

PAUL

Well I guess I'll never know! (chuckles)

CAPTOR

yeah...what?

PAUL

Well you've made it pretty clear what's going on here.  

CAPTOR

yes, you're being slowly lowered into a tub of scalding hot wax.

PAUL

Got it, chief. So when do we start this thing?

CAPTOR

You're not going to plead for your life?

PAUL

Uh, naaah.

CAPTOR

You're not?

PAUL

I've had a pretty good run. I'm fine.

CAPTOR

Fine?

PAUL

Yeah. Can you stop repeating me?

CAPTOR

Sorry

PAUL

It's all good.

CAPTOR

Aren't you a little old to be saying  'it's all good"?

PAUL

Let's not quibble about semantics.

CAPTOR

I don't think the phrase "quibble about semantics" applies here.

PAUL

You're doing it again.

CAPTOR

Fine, let's drop it

PAUL

I'm glad we cleared that up

CAPTOR

You're sure you don't want to plead?

PAUL

Listen. I've accomplished everything in my life I wanted to accomplish. I've experienced everything a man can experience. Except intense pain.

CAPTOR

WHAT?!

PAUL

You're making me nervous, friend. Take a chill pill.

CAPTOR

Chill pill?!

PAUL

The repeating?

CAPTOR

This is ludicrous!

PAUL

You know, things are only negative if you want them to be.

CAPTOR

What could be positive about being lowered into hot wax...slowly?

PAUL

Oh, I was talking about your little thing you have going on.

CAPTOR

What?!

PAUL

I was trying to help you out. You know, getting upset, saying "this is ludicrous." That's what the "things don't have to be negative" comment was referring to

CAPTOR

This is insane!

PAUL

You know, you're never going to enjoy life with this temper of yours

CAPTOR

You're being lowered into hot wax!

PAUL

I'm a pretty smart guy, Gene, I know...

CAPTOR

My name is Quentin!

PAUL

Oh.

CAPTOR

Ok, I'm going to pull the lever now

PAUL

Ok, later.

CAPTOR

Later?

PAUL

You should see an ear doctor.

CAPTOR

I can't believe it....after all this....!

PAUL

Do you still talk to your parents?

CAPTOR

(pacing) What? No, I....wait. Shut up, shut up, I can't think Wax, affluent suburban guy, I can't...what's wrong here?

PAUL

Do you want to talk?

CAPTOR

No! NO!  Oh my god! You don't mind being lowered into wax?

PAUL

Look, I don't want to repeat myself again...

CAPTOR

You think you're so great , huh?

PAUL

No, I, just-

CAPTOR

-you know, I can enjoy life, too. I've got a great life! I can show you how to not sweat things!

PAUL

Ok.

CAPTOR

Yeah?

PAUL

Alright...

CAPTOR jumps into tub of wax, screaming horribly as the wax sears his skin. He dies.

PAUL

Did I leave the kitchen light on? I did.

Lights out.