MAN and WOMAN are sitting on a park bench, on a date. Man with balloons (BALLOON MAN ) is behind them, they don't notice him.
So then I said, "that's not a bucket, it's a movement!"
Those street drummers are so soulful!
So talented! It's a shame they'll never be anything though…
Yeah....so is it hard to be a surgeon and a banker?
Well, you know, I always had two jobs, even as a kid. Lemonade stand and dogwalking, retail and waitering in college...
Surgeon and banker...
Yep. But I still find time for you!
Awww, I bet you say that to all the girls.
He does!
What?!
Buy a balloon from me or I'll be forced to tell her that you are neither a surgeon nor a banker.
This is outrageous!
Okay, you asked for it. He's neither a surgeon nor a banker you dumb slut. Nobody would have time to do both!
Hey buddy, watch it!
Don't make me choke you!
I'm calling the police! This is harassment!
SOUND OF PHONE RINGING. BALLOON MAN picks up his cell phone.
Hello?
Yes...wait a second...what the hell is going on here?
Oh, I didn't tell you. I'm a balloon salesman AND a police officer!
Ohhhh, is there a lot of money in that?
You're not getting any of this!
That's not how a police officer would talk to a lady!
What do you care?! You're here with a different girl every week!
I knew it!
What?! What are you trying to do to me?
I come to this park every week trying to sell balloons and make people happy. But you know what? Balloon Man always goes home alone! Yes, I go home alone, while this lying sack of shit sleazebag always has different girls on his arm.
What's happening? Am I on a reality show? Where are the cameras? Okay, you can come out now!
Oh, if only life were that simple!
How did you rig the phone when I called the police?
Why, WHY does no one listen to me the first time I say something?!
Maybe he IS a Balloon Man and a cop!
You're still not getting any of this! You're not my type!
But what kind of cop SAYS that?!
An off-duty Balloon Cop!
But if you're off-duty why did your phone ring?
You just think you're soooo smart don't you?
He obviously answers distress calls for this park because it's his beat!
Both MAN and BALLOON MAN stare at her
What? That makes no sense. Honey, he's not a cop! Don't be stupid!
I'm not stupid. I know what's going on here.
Really? Because I'd REEAAALLLYY like to know!
Stop acting, James. You don't think I recognize your friend here? I've seen him in pictures you've shown me you dumb shit!
What?
If you wanted to break up with me, you could have just told me you wanted to stop seeing me. (getting up to leave). Men! What idiots!
I'm sorry that I called you a slut.
You guys are losers.
I really am lonely though!
You owe me fifty bucks, Larry.
But it worked!
FIN