This piece was written to be easily used for either stage or screen
Two Men, 1 and 2, are sitting next to each other in near darkness. They are intoxicated,
but still lucid.
Do you believe in Krishna consciousness?
Oh my god, I told you a thousand times, no!
Do you believe in yourself?
No!
Do you believe in gravity?
No!
How can you not believe in gravity?
Because anything is possible!
Right, I can agree with that, but, you have to admit, there is a force keeping us from just floating through space.
Right, but I already told you about the ninety nine percent rule. At best, at absolute best, you can only be sure of something ninety nine percent
Well, technically, I guess it could be like ninety nine point nine percent-
Oh, okay...let's not split hairs!
Or atoms
Shut up!
Fine, what I should say is, nothing is 100 percent certain.
But what about the statement "you are wearing black shoes"? You are wearing black shoes, no?
I can't deny that my shoes are black
Midnight blue!
SHUT UP!
Right, they look black to me, let's call them black. So, you are wearing black shoes.
Yep
So we can say, with 100 percent certainty, that you are wearing black shoes?
Oh, no
No?
Absolutely not. No way.
How so?
Plenty of ways. For example, there could be a super-being who could enter the room at this moment, freeze time, and change the color of my shoes. Or, that same super-being or something else, whatever, could reverse time to the point that I purchased the shoes, make it so that the store is out of that color, and you know, I probably would have settled on brown or burgundy dress shoes, I don't NEED a lot of dress shoes.
I can hear you, you know?
(looks up) Shut the fuck up! God!
Reallly!
Another scenario is that what I see as black your retina picks up as white. I'm sure you've heard that whole thing.
It's not true
(looks up) You are being very rude! (to 2) Yes, I have heard that, I mean, that was playground chat for me in elementary school.
Yes. I mean, I can never be 100 percent certain about what I (lights go down) experience and call true, so how can I ever validate ANYTHING in YOUR existence? It's preposterous!
Okay, listen you little shits. I had to sit through Waiting for Godot enough times, the twentieth century is over, so you people better get back to having meaningful conversations.
How can we be sure you're God?
Oh, man. I never said I was God.
Who else would sit through Waiting for Godot that much?
You are so lost in your own intelligence you forget the big picture. And here's Elizabeth!
Lights up on an attractive WOMAN standing. 1 and 2 pay her no attention.
Do you think there are a finite number of atoms in the universe?
Hmmm. Well, you know how I feel about uncertainty…
Yes, but what do you THINK?
I think that my thoughts are worthless because none of them are certain.
Oh! But what about the very idea that nothing can be certain. Isn't that, then, a certainty?
Well I'm not sure.
I can't believe this...
Music starts. Camera pans out /lights reveal more of set to show 1 and 2 have been sitting the whole time in a strip club. WOMAN starts listlessly performing for them. It can now be seen that the voice heard from above was a DJ speaking over the club's P.A. from his booth.
FIN