Lights up. A man and woman are seated. The man is on a phone, twitching and frustrated, while the woman is wearing a headset and typing on a keyboard.
What city and listing?
Pleasure World on 45th street, New York, New York
One moment... I'm sorry sir, there's no listing for Pleasure World.
*sigh* What about the JugJug, 46th street, same
*typing* No JugJug either. Is that J-U-G-J-U-G?
Man! Ok, try Gentleman's Corner, 41st...
Sir, why don't you just walk up Eighth Avenue?
Cause there's nothing there anymore!! I'm trying to find these companies to see if they've either relocated or postponed their businesses.
If you can't find them, chances are they've closed.
Ma'am, let me ask you. What happened to sex?
Excuse me?
I have been uptown, downtown and crosstown. I've tried the internet, the outernet- I even hung around the volleyball nets in Central Park. Did I something happen? Was I in a coma for fifty years or something?
I really wouldn't know.
When was the last time you had sex?
Uh, sir, I can't disclose~
Scratch that, when was the last time you WANTED sex?
Well, I...
Nothing? Have you done anything exciting with your life?
Well, I just got this great new cel phone.
Uh huh... cel phone... tell me, can you fuck a cel phone?
Not... exactly. Not yet, at least, but they're doing amazing things with technology these days.
I have a flesh fetish. If it's not living and breathing, I won't fuck it. Maybe you can find something that satisfies that. The clitoris was hard to find to begin with, now I can't find the rest of the body? W-T-F?!
Sir, I really can't talk about this, our lines are monitored for security and quality assurance.
Is there ANYTHING in the ENTIRE Tri-State area with the name "Pleasure World?"
Hmm.... (SHE TYPES ON HER KEYBOARD) There's "Pleather World" up in White Plains.
That's just immature! And I KNOW you masturbate! So what is this, you have to be with the "in" crowd just to get an anonymous blowjob from a hooker? I rented "Butt Boss 37" the other day and it's nothing but "the making of.." clips and shots of the various locations. It's like people don't have sex anymore!
Have you tried college?
You have to be in college to get college. And I can't teach... unless you wanna learn how to be frustrated 24/7. Listen, lady, I'm horny, and not just cause I'm a guy in his prime with everything to lose. I hate mocha-frappa-lattes and reading. C'mon, throw me a bone here!
Throw you a bone? Honey, maybe you should try the Village!
No, I mean... ugh... I need sex!!
...You live at 21st and 8th?
How did you know?
We are 4-1-1... ok, I get off in an hour. I'll grab a bite and come on over.
37D.
Beggars CANNOT be choosers, boy! You'll get whatever the fuck I give you!
No, no, that's my apartment number! Ok... so, what do you look like?
Have you ever read Kafka's "The Metamorphosis?"
Lights out. Fin. Go home.